32: Freedom

Its thursday today.two days to come mark our 2monthsary. Yeah,just 2monthsary,we've been through like so much. Despite all those ups & down, we're still togather even how many people dislike our relationship. I have trust in this relationship. Even tho i may not be a goodgirlfriend to him, neither am i a goodgirlfriend. I never fail to try. At times, my past mistake will be the issue that gona hunt me down that much. My past mistake that he'll never ever forget till the end of life. And that dosen mean,im giving up on him and this relationship. At times, i feel hurt...knowing that the mistake that ive made have been push forwerd for our upcoming day life. I feel hurt where things i didnt do, he thinks i do it. Badly assume that i do. Until at the end of the day,i turn speechless cause all the points that he shoot out, make be go down. It kills me alot, but that dosen mean ive give up. Never ever thought of that too.

Well, u cant expect a person to really trust you back after the trust have been given is being crash right. Maybe i shall just accept all this things. and i have to say, it do really hurts me so much tho.

Anyway fyi, no matter how hard you people wana try break us apart.. bring it on.You people can continue saying things , this and that and never stop.i dont wanna entertain.Deep inside, i follow what my heart and mind tells me. No matter how ugly things gona turn out to be, i'll still keep things to myself.

at times i feel confused about this feeling that i had for him. At times i really feel so lost , feeling brokenhearted getting accusing about this and dat..But still, he's the man on top of me that i love so much, stronger and deeper despite all those hurtful feelings. He's the men that i wana be with now,till whenever . Never ever give up on us and this relationship as long as i can still breathe and have patience in me.

anyway, ytd i make baby very very angry. I blarber shit that hurt him so much. I just feel that im so foolish to say all that following my nafsu. urghhhh.and ends up, we quarrel and have silly arguement. Why?because of me.! im sorry sayang.i didnt mean to make u feel so hurt and angry. i just dont want you to go away from me.. im afraid.. i dont want people around, bitches around to affect this relationship. Afterall, things are going better right.. :(
timechecked: 5:33pm, it have been hours baby phone is off.
he thinks that im calling other guys and etc where-else i dont . :( dad have been using the housephone, and i actually ran downstairs to the payphone and call him okay since he've been smsing nonsense things about guys. sighhhhhh...

what i can say,
i dont need another man, accept for my babylove right now.which is my dearest rofian.

ps: im sorry.iloveyou.iloveyou.iloveyou.imissyou.imissyou.i miss the smell of your body.everything about ....
y
o
u.
:(