32: Freedom

both wedding ceremony for both mum & dad side are finally over.
& im glad everyone have fun.
On the other hand, congrats to abg rudy & kak eki, and congrats to fadilah & riduan tay.
(:

on this particular day when i was attending wedding ceremony, something bad happen that involve the love one and parents. I don't wanna say much. But those days was really bad. I don't even know how to face mum. And the situation are just getting worse. But i still take in all those advises and try to listen to elderly advise. To let them know,is what u really want. And yes, its just both a good and bad thing . im still over here still standing strong, as much as i can take it im trying my best to swallow it. You just wont feel me, and what else can i say/do? Partly is my fault but i just want you to take a look at the picture on whats had happen all along nearly five mth. Things are getting tougher for me and for us, and i just feel that i can't ever cry now. Yes everyone, i love him deeply & i believe that no one is perfect and everyone make silly mistake. But what ive see and what ive read and what had happen, suddenly it make me stop and all i can do is just smile at it. Am just totally restless. What else can i do now, should i learn to to figure out why this must happen?

further more when a close friend of mine telling me something that really really really link to whatever excuse u've gave ytd, what she told me about what she've found out really make me feel enough and im really enough of it. I just can't imagine or think about it cause its really unbelievable.
Only god knows what's happening and only god knows the truth about every single thing.

i love you more than i love myself. And maybe by loving you deeply, i must learn to let it go.
love me or hate me, im still gona shine slowly.
sometimes i just feel that love is just a pain in the arse. But what can i do, its part of life .
its hurt to walk away or shut myself up when everywhere is always you but tell me, ive to be strong to face all this.