ashlynn

2010-02-23T04:35:00.000-08:00

never ending love story.never ending arguement.
never ending heartache.
gone for good.

2010-02-21T13:33:00.000-08:00

im still deciding whether to shut this blog like again or move to somewhere new.
well, i just find that there is no need for some people to keep track on my blog.
& i hate being accuse too can?
(:
anyway, ytd is 210210=5monthsary.

2010-02-17T22:42:00.000-08:00

Lastly, the person that im still deeply inlove and deeply missed right now. With no contact, i always feel that his around me. It has been a long period that things are getting shaky for us. Things are getting tougher for us,for me. Yes for me. Im typing here on behalf of me. It seems that things can never have its end. And i dont know whether things have come to an end. All day long, my life seems to be in a mess after shit happen. I dont know what to do, am fighting over the pain that take over of me. Force to meet myfriends to just smile or laugh but deep in my heart the pain is aching so badly.But What's more can i do. Tears fall down when i realize that everyday i was just faking all those smile & laugher, but deep in my heart i feel lonely, i feel so sad, i was so hurt. You know, sometimes i wonder all along does he really love me throughout this five month. Or its just faking tears & dramas.Does he knows that i really love him so much when i was with him?Does he realize all that?Does he? It might be just 5mth, and people thought that we both have been 2gather more than 5mth like a year ,why?Because we're ttm before we're togather. And our friendship make us closer to relationship, and deeper closer when we're in relationship with just so many ups & down that you people cant imagine whats the hardest thing weve been through.Right now, my life is like so huru-hare. People around can even see it. Life's totally different without you, even if i still have my kampong friends. Friends that will be there for you , but not all times. Kampong friends are better than outside friend. No matter how bad or whatever people wanna say about me, i am jiwe-jiwe with them.

Friends asked me, When im gona start dating, go and start dating; and the answer is, i can't . Its killing me, i miss him deeply. and i know everyone knows that i miss him. And now, ive been spending my time with my kampong friends and girlfriends. And its better rather than dating or knowing guys. Rather spend my time with a bunch of friends than doing that. Im not easy to be know,touch,love or feel. So yeah, deep inside.. he's still part of me. Someone that i'll forever love and everyday miss.

till than.

2010-02-16T06:48:00.000-08:00

will be gone to somewhere,
where no one knows where is ashlynn.

till than.
ashiee cinta.

2010-02-15T23:18:00.000-08:00

Sunday; happy chinese newyear & happy valentine day.

I didnt celebrate valentine so that explain my sunday was with the family over to bukit batok, 100days kenduri . Nothiing much but just spend my day over there. Was feeling very shagged cause it's been one week straight i went out with not enough resting at home. Cabbed down around 10plus pm. Reached home, then meet him. I didnt have enough of cash to support myself but since it was like wanna settle stuff, but end up nothing.. wasted 40bucks through and fro like that.

and honestly i really regret of chopping off my hair the other day and i really miss my old hair can. sigh :(

Monday.

Wake up 10plus am in the morning. Was feeling very very sleepy i tell you but since parents wanna go breakfast at geylang hajah maimona, woke up and went off and bus down around 12plus 1 plus like that. But just as we reach Hj m, its closed cause its monday ! haiyaaaa. Than went over to the 24hrs coffee shop and had my chicken fried rice. yummyyy. I tink i like chicken fried rice now can? ahahahah. Than went i was crossing over to this little shop,
this uncle shouted," DHL RECEPTIONIST!" i turn and i saw the uncle that work dhl and still there. My godddddddddddddddd, makes me feel like i miss working at dhl u know. Those senior over there, those abg-abg are very nice to me when i was working as a receptionist ecp abg yus. All married already la, im the tinny and only recept there when i was there. prrftt.rindu or what?:)

Bus down to sungei road. Fucking hot i tell you.
Than went off to meet him and get seperated from parents.
To clark quey at night. Have heart to heart talk.
Well, its too late to change?
and than i found out something about facebook and i feel that this wont step but the game will continue playing. And im the loser or this game. Why?Simply bcos my weaknest and mistake is a big thing that people can counter about me.
But they dont feel me.Cheated.Cheated.5moredays?
waiting for someone, but why still meets me.
cheated.cheated.

reach home around 12am.
Slack and chill.
Than, shit happen facebook happen.
Well, you make me feel guilty. And just so you know, i wasen like that when we're happy and officially 2gather. But just after what had happen , that is when i cant take it anymore and get back to all of my friends. Well, i believe that i am very social with people around me, and i believe i have tons of guysfriends that are kaki gerek and rather then girlfriends.
But that was me, i am like that but of cause i know how to take care of myself.But you used all the point to call me busted which is so unfair. But nevermind , i accept it.
waiting for you -5more days.?what does that supposed to mean. I found it myself and tell you , this will never end. Why?
u act as if u did nothing wrong and as if im the one yg salahhhh , tears and dramas but at the end.. U are with ure life with a new girlfriend or new girls.

I feel cheated.like honestly.
im full of lies? that explain to you too.
But well,i do feel guilty for what ive done .
and so, life still move on for us right?

neighbour , " lynn kau tau kite sume takde nafsu."
me , " tkde nafsu ape?"
ullie, " yela, kite sume anggap kau mcm adik bradiq towerds kau"
ytd conversation and i agree. Obviously, they are all like my brothers.
thumbs up.
And i told them, i love each and everyone of them.
and i am jiwe-jiwe with them.
and i told them ytd,
" i feel that i have no life now. Like totally. lagek when im not with roy when things da berubah. Aku hidup huru-hare."
Feel me.u dont, cause u always think i enjoy .
:)

I went down, and suddenly theres two person was like stomp-ing their feet and kejar me. I was very panic with the face expression and turn and it was black n sufi.
me: FUCK! FUCK! FUCK.KAU CHEEBYE BODOOOOOOOOOO!
BLACK : HAHAHAHAHAHA. PYSCHOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
ME : FUCK YOU BLACK. FUCK.FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKKK. DONT DO THAT AGAIN FUCKER.
SUFI&BLACK: HHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
idiots. was shock when saw black and when he do dat. .
and , they were at fahmy void-deck and wanted to go jalan-jalan with car.
But i was tired n not in a mood.
5min smoking than i went up.

paitau black to sentosa today with reason.
My heart so pain now can.

time checked: 4:11pm
going out laterrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

i never change? You never change too. What's more i can do, when i told you im guilty and dont want my old life back. U just wont listen to me. Tell you, they are my friends. My guysfriends since long. And they are just bunch of friends but not someone special in mind/heart. And we dont go dating.
I dont wanna go story telling .
5days, enjoy ur day with gf.
k?
and gave me back what is mine. Thats all.

i can never trust a guy again.
never will .
never will i.
drama life.

2010-02-13T21:51:00.000-08:00

muhammad rofian,
i miss the old us.
and i miss you.

2010-02-13T21:31:00.000-08:00

i know how it feels to feel breathless.

2010-02-13T19:55:00.000-08:00

it was supposed to be our date but end up, we split and friends cum and join us.prfft
faraLove & me (:

ytd was supposed to go sentosa but someone paitau me. Fuck. so whatever. farabebeh called me and planned to meet her and went out with her.
I was supposed to meet him at 4pm but i choose not to. Only god knows how im feeling that point of time.
Went off at nearly 4pm. it was very very sunnyyyyy. Heed down to mustafa to get some stuff. FARA, KITE BELI APE EH?hahahaha.okayyy shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! hehe. But before that to city square mall. Than bus down to town marine gallery and waited for yana , hariz, hafidz n friends and black ekaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!
the last time i meet black was like last year. Early last year and anddddddddd its been so long you know.

Okay . This gona be the last time two group join into one.
Or me going off seperate ways because things will turn out to be COCK UP!.
Fahmy timun n friend came and join us later on.
Had bk. Than to mclido ...
But i went off soon after black and the rest came n join us to arab street.
Meet up with fitri sophian shah with the rest.

and am totally fuck up .
everything is always blame it on me.

im sorry lov.
and im sorry friends.
next time i promise i wont go off like that and stick with plan okay.

anyway, i dont feel good.
I dont know whyyyyyy but im still lost,confused,sad,gelisah.

sunday.
going to bukit batok later on for some kenduri.
fara n yana went sentosa, URGHHHH!!!
okay geram giler.
bye.

2010-02-12T20:45:00.000-08:00

i realize that everyone have change. Every single one have change and no one in this world that i still know is still the same as how ive 1st know them. /sad.missed. And im very dissapointed with aminah. Can i kill you? cause she say i never change. Im very sad , she just dont see the changes in me :(

anyway, im very very geram with someone can.
someone promise me something ytd even tho i keep reminding her..
"please don't paitau me"
but end up,
thanks eh kecik.
okay geram + merajok.
and and, i got a call from fara and a text from farhan asking me out to tanning 12+ just now.
daamnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn it! i was very angry ahh. Even tho there's still sun and still shining, i dont like this hour sun like later on at 2plus 3plus.
haiyaaa, i miss the sun can?

but nevermind.
waiting for faralov for some date.
me : besokkkkkkk suntan jom pls.
fara: takleh la bby.
me : knape?
fara : besok kan valentine.
me : alamakkk kental ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
fara : tapi besok pagi okay ah lepas tu nak kene outs.heheheh

ramai nyer celebrate valentine.
so so so so so so?
flowers all around.
couple all around.
holding hand.
kissing.

hurt.jealous.miss.

time checked : 12:46pm.
Go to go.
bye lov.

2010-02-12T09:15:00.001-08:00

its been sometime since ive last went out with mum. Dad called earlier on asking me to stay at home cause its been days ive spend my day outside.
Was supposed to meet mum at lavender mrt at 5.20pm but end up i leave house at 5pm and was at the bus stop at 520pm when mum text me she've reached. I started to get paranoid. For sure she gona nag. haha.
People around was looking at me. I was asking myself than, is there anything wrong with me? But than i realize i was feeling-feeling tall wearing heels today. No wonder people look at me one kind. ~lols.And my cousin been telling me, " tak payahh pakai heels la kau.kau da tinggi"..ahaha but, i dont find myself tall. I wana grow taller can? pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeee...
Cause just after ive alighted from the bus and saw mummy, she told me i look tall . So yea, soon im gona suffer cause kaki melecet liao. And and, im inlove with high high heels now can? =)

Went shopping with mum. Been so longggggggggg and got some cash. yey yey yey!
and when i was shopping for some clothes, someone enter the shop and i was shock and turn away. he was with his girlfriend. and he's not my ex boyfriend. I was praying that hopefully he wont see me but when i was busy searching for my stuff, he saw me and he was shock to saw me but i pretend i dont even know him. The expression of his face tells'. Some history thingy and finally after that, they went off. Phew~~...
had mutton chop at beachroad and spend my time talking with mum.
Than around 8plus was home sweet home, but before that heed down to ntuc first and bought ciggy.
the lynn you people know, no longer smoke red already.
and my friends have been asking me whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy suddenly menthol. Cause last time, whenever i smoke menthol or lights.. i'll get fluuu or headache or worse still wana vomit.
So now, can say hello to menthol already. Actually da lame jugakkk started to smoke menthol.
:)

Tomorrow, saturday.
i wana go beach.
people call me paitau qween so lets see who is the paitau qween tomorrow kay?hahahas.
sunday, valentine?
don't bother asking me about that.
Till than,
goodnight.

ps: life is different without you. Even with friends around, its totally different.
and psstt, i hate to see couple around me. Please dont kiss-kiss, manje-manje infront of me k friendsssssssssssssssssssss? hahahaha :)

2010-02-09T22:40:00.000-08:00

will be back.
=)

2010-02-07T22:18:00.000-08:00

suddenly the past came flashing back to me.
and when i look at it, i teared.
When i look and feel how unfaithful i am towerds a guy who love me deeply for three years.. stabbing him but the back alot of time ,and i dont even need to tell him i lied cause he knows all along i am, it make me feel so silly.
it makes me feels how bitchy and how shitty i am last time.
But he had never once not love me until the day he finally decide to leave me for good.
& he knows that one day i'll change. Change to be a better person and just after he left me, im proud and im glad to say ; my past history is a lesson to be learn and ive learn from misatake. & that me much more stronger to face whatever had happen in life.

(sorry for this post ppl, its just flashing back)
just as im typing right now, i dont know why im shivvering.
im feeling the hurt and my heart is aching right now so badly.
and its really painful.

im feeling lonely now.
time checked: 3:05pm
why am i feeling this way now? Maybe bcos of the msges he send me? Im feeling the hurt now, and i hope you are happy about it.Cause u want me to feel hurt and i am right now =)

Friends, kampong friends , close friends told me that i can find a better guy than this.
But they know me very well that i might have alot of friends because i am social but i cant bring myself to date people or know new people.
Even people who knows me through net, it takes 2 3 4 5 years to meet me.
To know me closer. So to you, i just hope that you are happy living ur ways.
You can get better girls than me.
and when friends asked me, " byk-byk kenape roy?"
the answer is, "bcos im addicted to the love he play and i love him"

here it is, 2 years back than...

the last hari raya with arwah lok.
the circle no. of friends.
From teens to adult, and this picture is when we're still small......
small time biler tk lepas beli rokok ehhh kekawan..hahahaah
to all grown up people right now leading with their own life..
this are the friends that will always be there.
and if you were to asked THEM,
" kau tknk mataer dgn lynn?"
tell you, they will laugh their ass out.
cause , we're just like brothers and sisters.
:)
so , stop thinking that me and my guyfriends are mentel or kekenal friends.
:)

anyway, whatever happen. as long as i can still love you, forever i will.
somehow i just want you to know, you are just someone special.
something special in my life despite of whatever shitty things had happen all along nearly five month.
and i just want you to know , if you are reading this..
please smile for me because im still here and will always be here loving you.
Friends might be everywhere.
But do you know whats the difference between friends and boyfriends/girlfriends- teman hidup?
=))
now , telling the whole world; even tho some people dislike our relationship..
i just want everyone to know that i love you more than anything else.
( i know some people is puke-ing or cursing when reading this , some people dont even wanna be friend with me knowing that im with him... some of them but well, i dont care cause ilovehim. Even tho he wasen there or whatever, nevermind i still love him.:) )
&& as long as i can still afford to breath, im always here. And just so you know,
i love you very much.
:)

please smile for me.
and feel me.
:)

2010-02-07T08:33:00.000-08:00

Some pictures during last week wedding on abg rudy & fadila big day.

mum side :)

dad side, the penari penari with mum

sisters. :)

mummyku and me.:)
actually there's alot of pictures but im lazy to upload. wait long long when im free kay.:)

Too many things had happen this few days. Things are getting more tougher for me but i still remain cool. Actually i cant but thats e least i can do. Lock up in my room and get stress all over me. Yes its too emotional, but i cant it until it really take over me. I just hope someone can hear my scream and get me out of this trap. Fuck, im struggling. No one feel me, even though they knows about it. But still, im trying my best to breath in all those air around me. Faking fake smiles and laughter, with friends around me but in the end i walk away and shed into uncountable tears. Its been hard on me, hard on him too. And can i just say us.? But we both are suffering with each and our own ways. When he say i dont feel him, and when i say he dont feel me. But still, lifes move on even tho how tough it gona be.

Saturday, a meet up with babygirl nurfarhan. Life have been hard on her too. And well babe, we'll get over it soon. I know you love him... and you know i love my him too.. insyallah things will be fine soon okay bby. I love you. and lets catch up again soon with the rest. But please, tkmu semue black, nanti org tgk lagek.hahahahas. you know i know. *winkwink.

few of my friends are going through the stage of heartbreaking shit. Breaking off with their girlfriend and boyfriend. Like suharry, syazana, cheryl, farhan,fara. And i can feel them but i just cant help much cause im myself in deep shit. But i hope things will be fine for them sooner or later.
and well , i believe this is part and parcel of life. No matter how hard you try to understand guys and girls, how weird , how busted, how lovely, how silly shit are them.. this is life.Cause At the end of the day is either u win or lost but still lifes move on for us. Some people took life as a game that they love to play . But im sure one day they will wake up and realise their mistake even tho it takes a year or two or more. We're just human. Too see and feel and try things in this world. So well yeah, life is just like a movie drama. And by looking at it, i smiled at the end of the day.

giving in does not mean you are a loser.
and the truth is that everyone gona hurt you, but you gota find the one who is worth suffering for.
well as said, nobody is perfect.
But its whether ur willing to fight, to sacrifice, to bear the hurt or not.
to change and learn from mistake and make things better.
no matter how many mistake people have make, everyone deserve upteens chances and its all up to individual. and im sure no matter how beast u are, people will come to their sense and realize their mistake one day.
and by looking on how life have been for people around me, plus all those good or bad advises from the elderly or youngster plus my past history; i came to realize and understand what life supposed to be and it make me much stronger and i know my life in love or whatever wont just end this way but it will get better in years to come.:)

it might be confusing . But i still love him and never ever stop loving him. None other than him, my dearest mr.r

2010-02-05T11:19:00.000-08:00

kite syg awak.awak je tak tau..hmmm.sakit dande tau. awak tau tak. actci kite tak tahu whats on my mind. cumeeeee ke cubeeee ke,hehehe.. kite terlalu stress, terlalu byk pikiran.Byk sgt isap rosok, byk sgt nangis... sakitttttt hati, abeh mcm mane?Kalau boleh rewind balek time-time dulu kan best. skg daaa you be by my side. tapi da banyak bende berlaku kannn. terlalu byk bende yg sakitkan dande kannn. abeh mcm mane? kite betol-betol da tkboleh berpikir lagik. tapi kite masih syg awak.. kite sedihhhhh, kite stress, kite lost, kite speechless,......abeh cam maner? :(

i love you k.
feel me.
im one call away.
:(

2010-02-05T03:47:00.000-08:00

i dont need people to understand me,
feel me will do, and i'll be happy.
feel that my heart is really bleeding,
feel what im feeling.
deep inside me...
feel what and how life have been more me.

ilovemuhammad rofian still.

2010-02-02T23:47:00.000-08:00

ps:please dont cry.
but i just cant help it.
flashingback at those moment when he drew lovephrases, our names all over my body with maker.

i cant help it.

2010-02-01T22:43:00.000-08:00

Negative things are flashing in my mind. Disturbing my life right now. Im trying my best not to think of it, but i just cant help it and i feel that my heart is really burning. I feel as if i just cant even breathe, the pain is just so deep.
Ive been wondering now & than on what his doing, how is he feeling. At times i wonder, does he ever think of me?Does he even miss me or worse still, does he hate me when i always think of him at everymoment ever since than. How too? The book that i read is all gota do with him, name it- just anywhere. I see shadow of us. The road, the traffic light , the sound of the bike, under block, the street, everywhere, even the bus stop.. Hurts. hurts. Hurts. But on the other hand when i was thinking of what a friend have told me, somehow i suddenly imagine un-ness things. I imagine, how would he feel if he were to kiss that girl, of even hug and hold her hands.. Does he ever think of me?When we've always been together for almost five month.
Im sorry for being too emotional. I just cant help it but i cant do anything; i miss him so much. And i just love him so much.

2010-02-01T05:00:00.000-08:00

im feeling the hurt now.
just right now .

2010-01-31T22:26:00.000-08:00

read today newpaper; the front page.
hougang bashing
(:- flasher

Been one day i feel so lonely, i feel so empty and things are getting tougher each day for me to face it, face the fact that this love is gone for good . i dont know how im gona manage life without him, but i know i will pull through. People always say im a very strong girl but god only know the deepest on what i felt deep inside me. How much i struggle, how many tears ive shed, how much patience ive tolerate. Right now, i feel the hurt back to square one. Feeling the hurt of losing someone i love so much again. Feeling the hurt of why this happen again. It hurts right back again. And its all about L.O.V.E. Im just trying my best to let it go and i know im gona shine sooner or later.
Things happen make me much stronger about how life or love is.
And i hope that this will be the last for now cause i dont wanna fall in love again for now . Its not easy for me to fall inlove, right rofian? its not easy for me to be know much deeper or even touch cause how bad am i, im not like someother girls you've know along the street.
i love you so so much muhammad rofian.
But im sorry, sorry for every single thing ive done.
Im glad that u've once be apart of me, and i hope you'l find ur dream girl..
a girl that can show you much love and attention.
unlike me.
But im glad ive played the best part of me being once your girlfriend.
and sorry , on behalf of my mum & dad.
Remember, they've once love you .
im sorry.
Without me, you wont lost a thing because a guy like you can get any girls out there (:
Trust me, u will.
& ive never hate you .

Right now , all i ever need is my life back; time checked: 2:36pm. Mum n dad not working and mum bought for me my putu piring isit? that ive been craving for. yey yey! anw i feel lonely but nahhh~i'll be okay! :)

xoxo iloveyou oxox

2010-01-31T02:52:00.000-08:00

both wedding ceremony for both mum & dad side are finally over.
& im glad everyone have fun.
On the other hand, congrats to abg rudy & kak eki, and congrats to fadilah & riduan tay.
(:

on this particular day when i was attending wedding ceremony, something bad happen that involve the love one and parents. I don't wanna say much. But those days was really bad. I don't even know how to face mum. And the situation are just getting worse. But i still take in all those advises and try to listen to elderly advise. To let them know,is what u really want. And yes, its just both a good and bad thing . im still over here still standing strong, as much as i can take it im trying my best to swallow it. You just wont feel me, and what else can i say/do? Partly is my fault but i just want you to take a look at the picture on whats had happen all along nearly five mth. Things are getting tougher for me and for us, and i just feel that i can't ever cry now. Yes everyone, i love him deeply & i believe that no one is perfect and everyone make silly mistake. But what ive see and what ive read and what had happen, suddenly it make me stop and all i can do is just smile at it. Am just totally restless. What else can i do now, should i learn to to figure out why this must happen?

further more when a close friend of mine telling me something that really really really link to whatever excuse u've gave ytd, what she told me about what she've found out really make me feel enough and im really enough of it. I just can't imagine or think about it cause its really unbelievable.
Only god knows what's happening and only god knows the truth about every single thing.

i love you more than i love myself. And maybe by loving you deeply, i must learn to let it go.
love me or hate me, im still gona shine slowly.
sometimes i just feel that love is just a pain in the arse. But what can i do, its part of life .
its hurt to walk away or shut myself up when everywhere is always you but tell me, ive to be strong to face all this.

2010-01-28T09:53:00.000-08:00

i dreamt about something yesterday night.
something that is very scary and i just hope that dreams wont turn out to be reality.
When you're too stress and tooo emosi,
and when anger and every silly things came into one.
that is when ure really out of control.
im not living in a fake drama life, to be a spotlight on the street or everywhere to seek for attention.
Its scary but that's into me .
and im afraid it will get worse, hope not.
& ytd was really a nightmare.
i don't feel good. I just feel something is watching over me.

2010-01-28T01:50:00.000-08:00

i don't forgive people because im weak,
i forgive them because i know im strong enough to know
people make mistake.

2010-01-27T22:41:00.000-08:00

i miss them girls.
i miss having fun with them,girls.

2010-01-26T17:13:00.000-08:00

i guess you still dont see what ive done and sacrifice for you all along.
i guess youre still ensure of the love that i have towerds you,
sincere and be truthful to you ever since we've start off with a new chapter.
i don't wana say it kills me.
i don't wana say much more,
cause you don't feel me.
i don't wana so called retaliate cause i know you'll say so.
maybe to see me gone,
is the best medicine of this relationship.

cause when i stay,
im just a nuisance to your life.
i ruin your life.
and im just a burden in your life.
like ive said, i know where i stand..
i better keep myself shut like what ive always do rather in my daily life n nowadays rather then letting out a single thing.

if you feel me,
you wont question such.
i better keepmyself shut.

2010-01-25T21:39:00.000-08:00

I just chop off my hair recently and somehow i regret it so much.Even tho its just t-r-i-m , it feels so short . i miss my hair. Im sure im gona regret it just like he advise me before cutting my hair ; - do not complain -.
prrffttt.
anyway, ive lost some of you people number and i need to set time and day to arrange for meet up. Its been month and soooo long since we've last meet up. For those who are free, shall see youuu and for those who cant make it than maybe next time than. For those who get my text, please update me via msg/msn.
Mighty, rindu semue orggggg yea!
:')
and fyi, its been so long since ive last hangout with my girlfriends.
most of the time i spend my time alone, working , boyfriend or family. It seems like im use in that kind of way ever since than & that does not mean i forget everyone of you.
walaupun jauh di mate, tetap dekat di hati.
:)

2010-01-24T20:26:00.000-08:00

When someone break the trust that i have towerds him and her, it hurt me so much. Ive tried my best to look at the brightside of life, tried my best to be patience throughout all this month - i cant tolerate another lies or another dramatic life again. Maybe you are still like some other people in this world who still likes to play around with feelings or words ,or maybe plainly still wana have fun. but im here trying my best to understand you.
; its okay.
You want the trust make sure you gain it, you want people to trust you make sure you show it and prove it to them but not by making things more worse.

anyway, reading kembara cinta.
Danish & nureen?
:)

2010-01-22T18:13:00.001-08:00

My nose hurt soo much due to heavy fluu yesterday and it was terrible i tell you. I was sneezing all the way and cant even stop sneezing. Thank god, TODAY as in NOW when i woke up ive stop sneezing, hopefully i'll be better today . And my bodyyy feel weak right now, feel like fever is near me. Tsk~. i dont want cannnnnnn. :(

Im home alone now, sister just went out to study. Dad to work i guess and mum is working. Woke baby up but tidak bangunnnnnnnn~geram ajerrrr haaaa. And im like fresh awake now and i tink im gona clean up the house after this.
i miss my babygirls.
i miss everyone perharps.
I need confirmation of date to meet up.
Will send out the msges tomorrow and will be meeting lisa and whee this coming friday.

You know, when i was working at robinson , i got letters for the cashier girls changing no. and wanting to know me more. We even went lunch together the day after that. Sound so lesbian right but it was so cute until i cant stop smile-ing or laugh-ing away when i got letters from them or asking me , " tknk no. i ke?" before i went off. hahahaha.really theywere cute girls. I LIKEEEEEEEEE! -LOL!

toodles.
*wink!

2010-01-21T05:57:00.000-08:00

Life have been pretty well this few weeks ever since 2010.And life have been pretty busy with work too. I didnt have much time for myself even. Cause during my off day , i'll always be at home sleeping or meet the love ones,my boyfriend. Yes my boyfriend. We've been through alot of shit that really make us tear apart . I still remember there was once, i nearly got back into depression mode like the old time. You know, where i can really go crazy and really have bruises all over me and being wasen me. But thank god i was okay. I dont want to go through that kind of life again.It hurts so much. Emotional pressure cause it really really hurts me so much. But thank god once again, i was okay and control myself.

Time checked: 1017pm
im running out of shit to update. Maybe that will be all for now.
Till than.
(:

2010-01-17T22:41:00.000-08:00

please stay tune.

cause the reason is im back.
:)

2010-01-17T05:24:00.000-08:00

keep the tagboard flooding to get me.
(:

2010-01-03T09:11:00.001-08:00

hello readers.
i know im late to wish this or whatever it is but yeah,happy new year. 2010
(:
ive been wanting to blog about what im gona blog at this entry but i dont have anytime.so since im at home now, and im on off day tomorrow. Here it is.

lets reminsce 2009.
This gona be a hell long entry so yea stay tune.

:)
Early of 2009, i broke off with the ex boyfriend call muhammad fadhli. As readers who have been keeping update at my blog, you guys can see the love or everything that ive once shared with him. Here it is, Http://ashyoursex.blogspot.com Things happen along the way, we thought we could make it through but in the end maybe we're not meant to be. Both party are in the wrong. I dont want to say just me or just him, its both. But when i was with him, that is when i feel that i was really in love. Falling in love till you feel insecure. I took up my past history as a lesson to be learn. Ive never repeated what ive done when i was with him. But things just wasen meant to be.
In a relationship, i appreciate it if my boyfriend were to tell me if he have fallen inlove with someone else, or he have someone else . Different people just got their different point of view and way so yeahh... And at the end of the day, a shocking news came rolling in by text and i was just so shocked. He told me that he've fallen for someone else, but he need time to decide. I was crying like hell i tell you, i feel so shitty. Because few days before that, he teared in front of me. He never ever cry before through out those 1 year 2mth okay. He told me this and that, he love me so much and stuff. But end up.?
It was really so much for me to take you know .. And i told him off , im leaving him.
it took me 3 days to really stop crying.I tell you, after 3 days crying my lungs out the feeling started to fade away.
I let him be with her, and i know that at the end of the day he'll regret.
But feelings wasen there for him already by than.I feel so sad, i dont know why the feelings just gone like that but i believe life still goes on. I feel that i can never fall inlove again.
But i was wrong.

Fadhli wasen a bad guy. Didnt mean he leave me for another girl or whatsoever he is a jerk or etc. Maybe we're not meant to be togather.
and you know, he's the opposite type of me.
Im the kind of girl who love tanning, who enjoy clubbing. Who enjoy this and that but he dont.
But when i was with him, ive never ever club before. Because only started to club when im 19 (:/
and my 18th birthday was a memorable birthday suprise from him and my guyfriends and cousin and family.
:)
Even tho i always langgar langgar, i have my limits.
Everyone knows who fadhli and lynn is for those who know me and us.
and the way we communicate with each other are just so different. & we enjoy that way. And thats why mum always complain that sometimes im just being too kasah not lembot.
flashing back ;
me : i penat. angkatkan beg boleh?
him : malas la aku. bawak sendiri.
me : alahh boleh la please. penat.pls pls pls.
him : arghhhhh!what a irritating girlfriend i have. cepat la.
me : yey! kiss?
him : eeeeee tknk aku.
me : PLEASE LA BO.
him : yelaaa bi.
me : b ape?
him : babi la. abeh ape baby?
me : byk punye babi. baby kannn?kann?kan?
him : diam la bo.
than he'll laugh and tease me.

he always respect me and give me what i want.
same goes to me too. And he never get worried neither do i.
But ups and down leads to break up at the end of the day..
:)

Friendship.
i love my hometown people more than anything else. I put them above any friend ive have. Esp my bestfriend khairul izzul shah .We're close like sisters and brothers. People even mistaken us as boyfriend and girlfriend and i cant deny that i love him as a friend. So much but never more than that. He always advise me whenever im in a wrong and stuff like that but at the end of the day, we both go to our own ways after what happen about his ex girlfriend. It was really really so sad, very sad. It was really a very hard thing to take , but slowly im accepting the fact that he's gone.
i love everyone of them, i treasure them so much even tho theres always up n down in our friendship.
The closest are ullie, my neighbour. Suharry putra and faliq.
and than followed by the rest. Even tho people always say kampong people got no life, typical life or whatso ever,'they are still the best.
Our friendship started to fade away.
One each and everyone starting to have their own life with girlfriend and bike and stuff, friendship decided to fade. Even me.
I always got the bad name but i know deep down inside, ive never forget them.
But right now, things are so different already.

Rahimah rahim.
was my best girlfriend that i have since primary school days. We're so close like sisters. Imah & khai was part of my life. But ever since she's started to commit in her relationship , our friendship slowly fade away. Things happen that make us hate one another. I cant deny that i hate her for what had happen . But i always miss her. I miss her cartoon voice . I miss everything about her but i know nothing can bring us back. What do you expect, more than 5 years of friendship. sedih giler k? :(

Only if this two are back in my life, i'll be the happiest girl you know.
memories.
:)

(:
Family.
Im the eldest and i always got nagging from parents. As im showing bad example to my sister. I rarely stay at home. Always out and they keepon nag and all that.The trust wasen they but slowly im starting to do things to gain the trust back. Family even have problem too but im always there for mum. I cant forget the day when i hate my dad so much when i told myself i wont forgive him. But i know one day he'll change to be a better man, a better dad and a better husband.I thought i would lose my dad but nahhh i still have him around who understand what i need now.
:)

muhammad rofian.
The guy that i decided to meet after 3-4 years of knowing each other. The guy that was there for me when i fall. The guy that understand me the best at the first start. The guy that i cant deny i like him when we're starting to get close. crush u call it?
haha. yeah, i do have crush on him.
Our friendship started to get closer each day. friendship to relationship and yes , he was my officially boyfriend , on 210909 (:
many many silly things happen. Flashing back at it, it was just silly things even tho its very hurting. Revenge u call it? or whatever it is, ive never hate him. Never ever hate him no matter what had happen. And i can never say he's the only bad. im the good one?no! we both have our good and bad thing in us. Thinking back of it, its always the silly matter that destroy our mood and our relationship. Maybe because we both are different but dosen mean two different world cant get along togather (:
and muhammad rofian is the one who teach me to learn to be patience.
And i am a very very patience girl right now.
He teaches me alot of things in life too.

i thought i could never fall in love again after the ex boyfriend leave me.
But i was wrong.
Sometimes things keepon playing on my mind,
idk whether he's serious to be with me or not..but ive never ever stop loving him.
i learn to be soft, learn to enjoy each and everyday company. pampered and everything. I love every moment when im with him. Even how bad it was. :)

2009.
2008.
2007.
2006.
Whoever knows the old lynn,
Im no longer the lynn that people used to know years back than.
like the lynn u know in year 2006?2007?on and on.
:)
ive change so much. Both good and bad thing in life.
and i take every mistake and past history as a lesson to be learn.
to be someone better.

i may be bad.
But i have my limits.
ive stop playing around with people heart.
ive stop fooling around in love.
fooling around with people.
and on and on.
im turning 20 in year 2010 .:)

bende yg buruk , sume org nampak.
tapi yg baek sume org tk nampak.
call me a bitch. a slut. a basterd. this and that.
i really dont care.
:)

im painting my past black.
goodbye 2009.
hello 2010.
i wanna learn to be independent.

i dont wanna flash back at 2009 anymore.
or thinking about what had happen before.
i wanna have a new life.
and i wanna be a happy happy girl.
:)

happy new year everyone.
treasure each and everymoment okay.
with love.

2009-12-26T08:05:00.000-08:00

in few days to come its gona be new year.
and this will be the last time im blogging and i will end my 09 diary/journal or what you called it , blog.

im tired of everything and that include revenge-ing. What had happen before taught me a lesson. A lesson to think wiser in days ahead and future. Ive manage to fight for my hot tempered attitude, to someone that is very patience right now. i dont care if my past history pull my presence down to people around. But i know what ive succed in life so far . im totally tired, tired of silly things that affect my life so much . i dont see everyday happiness, i dont see happiness in people around me that cares so much like my family and lovelife. im tired of ending relationship over stupid things but its happening again.

im very very sad indeed. But im struggling it and finding air to breathe now. For what ive sacrifices, ive never regret. Cause i believe that is what i want for my lovelife .

i need life back.
i dont want to have a life that is full of fake things and lies.
i want happiness in my family.
happiness in me,
and happiness in lovelife.
i believe every human did mistake and they deserve chances no matter 1 2 3 times. and i want a serious relationship not fooling around, reveng-ing and stuff like that. things happen, im sick of it.

i want happiness.
so now i just let fate decide.
i love him so much, ive plan things ahead of us. But silly things just pull our relationship down.
im tired of this and lets just god decide all things.
i may not know whats happening, but god is watching.
i know where i stand, i know i got nothing but just let put things aside and look at the brightside of life.

life gona be hard without him around.
we do everything togather, we meet almost everyday and its really hard on me.
high on love, crazy of love.name it.
i love him, but things just didnt work out.

ego.
revenge.
lack of trust.

my dreams are destroy.
enough said,
i dont hate anyone.
now, all i wanna do is work work work earn more and more cash.
but i dont know how im gona face work later on.
tsk.

i love muhammad rofian.
that will be all.
farewell.

2009-12-26T00:44:00.000-08:00

iloveyou.iloveyou just to much. im afraid, to feel the pain again of losing someone.Afraid that im gona feel it again. Im not strong, strong like what people always think. I love you. i cant afford any drama. I love you, i cant afford another lies. i love you, i cant afford history to repeat again. i love you, i cant afford to share love with other people. i love you, i cant bear to let you go. i love you, i wana a serious relationship. i love you, i dont want fake love life . i love you, i cant afford another drama. i love you baby. i just love you.
im feeling so suck right now, and i know that at the end of the day im gona feel like this. Why cant happy times just stays till the end of time or never enddddddd. it last only a day, not till a week. we're falling. I hate it. hate this feeling right now, im in pain. and im facing it now .

its raining cats n dogs now.
looking at the window,
feeling the cold weather, i miss you dearly.
where are you? what are you doing?

do you have thoughts for me.

im over with childplay.
im over with stupid old life .
im over with flirting.
im over with playing with people feelings.
that is all in the past and
those attitude die in me, long time ago.
i may be young, all i ever want is a serious relationship.
and true love, not faking love.

saturday.
home alone.

2009-12-25T09:31:00.000-08:00

you crush my heart.
totally.

2009-12-25T06:20:00.000-08:00

its friday today and im on off day tomorrow. yey yey yey.which means,
i have the whole night today and can wake up very late tomorrow.
Christmas, am working while most of them have their off day due to ph.
And due to christmas, not many customer today for the first time and im very very sleepy at work.like seriously and thank god shop close at 8am.

shima was there.
she was the manager of my co. and yea, last year when i worked with them she is very very nice to me.

been one year , she've one daughter right now.
and her daughter name A s h l y n n. isit me?gagaga =))

shima : lynn! da laen eh sekarang.
me : mane ade lain, same ajeee.
shima : lain laaaaaaa, dulu tk pakai make up...abeh skg da kurus..
me : pakai ape, mane ade tak pakai. kurus ke ape, gemok sehh.
shima : yelaaaaaa . betol da lain seh.

than few minits.
shima: ohhhh.dulu rambot pendek kan, skarang da panjang seh.

hahaha. yalaa dats e difference in me. But well yea, org yg lame tk nampak say ive lost weight la tu la ni la, tapi org yg slalu nampak say im becoming more fatter. eh b? hahahahahaha.
today plan cancel. He went to visit his uncle at hosp. so yea, will be stay at home day. I dont know if he's picking me up later at late night. So yeah, i miss him la can?
on other hand also gerammmmm. tapi sayang. hehehehehe.
time checked: 1025pm.
im very tired and sleepy now. Going in to my room, and on the music out loud and have a good rest.

errm. dale don dale can?

ahaha.walauu, this is not typical. Im just a actually used to be raggaeton fan and r&b is the sexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx yaw.hahahahaha.
anyway. i miss clubbing. i miss dancing with baby. baby, can we go r&b night soon before the year 2009 end? and i just miss my partybabygirls too.
i miss falling in love with him back on the dancefloorr.errrr,if you know what i meant.*wink.
and you know, he dont like r&b, but im the rnb sex bitch.
he's the kind of people who listen to zouk genre while im the powerhouse one, not double o.
hahahaha.even tho its the same, i never went double o before.
and you know thats e difference in us, but that dosen mean we cant click.
im just the opp side of baby, and that make me much stronger even tho its a twinny winny thingy.
hmmmmm okay dont wanna let you people get confused. so yeah, i better shut up now and listen to
dale don dale can?hahahahahahahahahahhahaha. listen to my blog song okay.

stay tune.

muhammad rofian & nur azlyn.
:)

2009-12-24T09:13:00.000-08:00

this explain at work today. STOCKTAKE.
actually erm, i love stock-take. But as usual we'll get very sleep. So many braa . many many many , many undeeeeeewearrrrr. fun, but when it comes to like, total must have 180 than i only get 175, must carik sampai dapat like that. prfttttt;
anyway, its christmas eve today; so yea shop close early today.
It a very good thing that he fetch me. Squeeze in the crowd was sucks, never been good.
but well yea , of cause we manage to get out from the crowd to his bike.

to make it simple, my day was very very good . I enjoy my day today like much. Lagek-lagek with dearest ;)christmas today and im working tomorrow. people have fun on christmas and clubbing yeah; just wanna concentrate on work.money.money.
no time to enjoy life right now, very busy. its gona be new year in few days to come. grower older and must think wiserrr and get serious. yesh serioussss and and and stop doing all those things haa :)
time checked: 1:38am.
nothing much now. im a very very happy girl.

iloveyou,
baby.

2009-12-23T04:03:00.000-08:00

i feel lonely without you by my side.
i smile, whenever i receive a text from you,
a simple love msg brighten up my day,
shine like there's no other days.

yes i feel so sad when i teared.
who dosen?
where u feel irritating-ness when it falls.
i feel as if im being stabbed by the back,
feel as if theres no tomorrow, no you anymore.

i cant imagine life without you.
not because you are somebody out there,
not because of ur wealth, your looks..
but you are just someone special to me.

your smile, your laughter
bring joy in me.
your love, my drug.
everything you, my life.

if one day we happen to really fall apart..
ive never regret for giving you a chance to 1st step in my life.
Never regret that we've once share moment of love together,
despite of all those ugly time.

at every moment we've once shared together,
will always stick with me, and never will i regret.
despite of all those lies,
you are the men that ive enjoy being with.
the men that ive started to fall in love once again,
back after ive leave my past.

never have i thought that we could come to this far.

till than,
is him that i still love right now,
and if you think is him you are wrong.

his none another again than,

you.
my dearest mr r...
love is blind.
name it.
i love muhammad.
i love rofian.
him.him.him.
no one else.

2009-12-22T04:23:00.000-08:00

will be away for sometime.

2009-12-21T22:18:00.001-08:00

a friend came up to me yesterday crying. Crying about love. I cant help much but i can only give advise cause im myself in deep shit tho.i tried to put myself in her shoe. I feel the pain, but somehow i feel like smacking her tho.

in a situation.
where u are ur boyfriend no. 2 girlfriend.
yes, love is blind. sometimes u cant control the feeling of love.
but, again ure ur boyfriend no. 2 girlfriend.
everything needs both hand to clap. it wasen ur fault totally but partly it was ur fault to get involve in people lovelife.
Everybody hates third party. Who love third party, nobody does.

lets put it this way.
what if ure in the 1st girlfriend shoe. U found out that ur boyfriend have two time u. ? for sure, its heartbreaking and u gona get pissed off and either wack ur bf , find the girl or asked for break or settle things slowly right.

but if ur boyfriend says that,
he wanna stay with the both of you.
and you decided to stay.isen it stupid.
yes, guys can marry 2 3 4 but we girls feel the pain.

For me, im selfish. If things happen to me like that, i wont let my boyfriend have 2nd girlfriend or im the 2nd one. I rather leave no matter how hurtful it is. I only wants love from a boyfriend all by myself. Everything else can be shared but not love. That is me. Love to one and only girlfriend, love to one and only boyfriend. And ofcause this love is different from love of a friendship..

i understand dat u love him.
U started to feel the love back when ure with him.like uve said, he dont have the look but u love him for who he is, for what heve gaven.
its painful right, to share love and be divided by two?
i feel u babe. but u have to feel for the other party too.

one way i can advise is to leave.
why.
just so many reason to note it down.

take it this way.
if he can choose to stay with both.
and one day if he decide that he will choose you.
one day, you can never know that u'll be the next first girlfriend and there will be second or third.

yes, love. people cant control the feeling of love.
like even nafsu.
but.

that will be all.
im here.

2009-12-21T19:32:00.000-08:00

babe, mana kau pegi seh aku rindu kau. aku da ada blog : www.abcdef-arrah.blogspot.com comment aku blog kau kay. .. aku pakai acct farrahrocher-@html.com tau comment aku kay. aku rindu kau giler babs.
i got this offline msges when i online.
shock giler babyyyyyyyyy.and aku rindu kau bodoh. mane kau ilang farrahrocher ku.
suke nahh hilang2 timbul2.cbbbb =))

tau pon rindu aku.
hehehe.

today is 22. on off day , tomorrow also.
with baby anne at home.
not in a goodmood.
work have been sucks lately.
patience .
:)

2009-12-20T07:04:00.000-08:00

Life have been pretty hard lately. But im trying my best to look on the brightside of life. Seriously, i almost think that ytd was the end of my life; but i know the future awaits me. I have to be strong and keepon going. I believe every problem have their way out . Like ive mention earlier on, things wont just stay this way. Maybe life have been suffering and sucks right now and the past, but i believe it wont remain and stay that way up till the days ahead. Seriously the feeling right now sucks alot but today, i end up smiling and pushing things aside when i meet dearest. Trying my best to really you know forget it for now and enjoy my day today and the days ahead.

i dont care whatever people wanna say about him, my dearest rofian or talking things about my relationship. Afterall, his mine and we still stay on . Lets put the negative things aside and look at the bright side of life and think positively. Therefor, i wanna tell you people out there that whatever had happen previously and now, i love him so much. and please stop talking about my boyfriend. Forgive me for my wrong, but please his mine so stay away from him okay. (:
i dont wanna end up in typical life, so yea i just hope there wont be any third party.:) i love him, alot alot and still loving him. And his none other than my dearest mr roy. <333
(opps . sorry for being mushy....)

and yeah,ive paint my past black. i dont care about my past or my past relationship so dont talk to me about old old things as if i bother like that k.

today sunday.
i meet him and i did enjoyyy my day with him today. Like so much.
Baby, please .. i love you okay.
and we'll get over it soon.
iloveyou.so love metoo okay.
lalalalalalalalalaaaa..
and oh ya, i love the ring so muchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! yadaaayadaaaaa (:

time checked : 11:17pm
he's over his friend place doing the bike thingy and stuff and im here spending my time blogging before i heed of to bed.
work tomorrow.
anddd i guess that will be all.

i love him. .
and you know we do things mostly togather.and have the same thing too. Even tho kadang2 telinge dier mintak kene piattttttttt right, i always love him lor.:) :)
he's the guy that i'll keepon kissing or hugging whenever we are. and today was the best night. ehh b?hahahahaha.

dont think bukan2 ok people.
thats all.
goodnight.

anyway wait.
few minits times,
21st december.
happy threemonthsary.
<3333333333

2009-12-18T21:08:00.000-08:00

things wasen like how it was before.

I was shivering last night, cold. Just as i woke up and set myself ready to work and push everything aside, i was in tears badly. & i realize that mybody have been week ever since few days ago, and i got myself fever. Bath and all, off to the poly clinic around 10plus and got myself an mc. Luckily i was on off day tomorrow.
Stress is the thing in me now. Definately not over a small matter. I dont know how to face and i cant think of anything. i feel lonely, i cant even think of anything.
After poly, went over to the blok behind my house sat down and smoke and listen to my mp3. Remain calm and dont wanna burst into tears. Just after ive finish my stick of ciggerette, rain started to pour heavily. Cold.
walked back home, with the song played ... walking under the rain...
emotional, name it. indeed i am. Now im home, looking at everybody. Smile, and idk whether this is the last time i'll be here. i really dont know what to do, i wanna be somewhere else right now.. I need a shoulder to cry on, and hug and kiss that make me feel better. and i dont even have a friend.Im in deep shit right now, and that explain all.

i need my boyfriend. But it seems like he didnt even find me.
:(
imissyou.

2009-12-18T06:56:00.000-08:00

i believe every problem have their way out . Its a risk,a risk that im going through it alone, again. I wanna keep myself shut. i feel like its the end of life. No point you people have to know what is it all about cause u people cant feel and help me .
Im just so lost now. I really feel is e end of life.
time checked: 11:16pm
reached home arnd 955pm, was totally shagged and stress of work and problem.
Mum bought me my all time fav mee goreng thai n choc bubble tea. Thanks mummy. i got no mood but i just have to fake all those smile as if nothing happen.

that will be all.
im going to bed now.
i miss him so much.
and i hope his doing fine and enjoying himself.
goodnight.

2009-12-17T08:15:00.000-08:00

guys get their sastifaction while girls always got the suffering.

im very moody today. im very emotional today.im very stress today. im very tired today.im very sad today.very very very.Do you feel me?

no, u dont.
yes u do?

2009-12-16T09:10:00.000-08:00

he gave me strength & that make me stronger.
& i hope this love will remain,
and prove everyone wrong.
afterall, his mine. ("v")

i cant wait for sunday.
and im loving babylove more and more since we've been together for almost everyday and that dosen make me sick but loving it more and more. iloveyou b.

goodnight!

2009-12-14T06:19:00.000-08:00

deskar road to find something with him.
off to esplanade and have some quality time before home sweet home. 8.45pm to 9.35pm than reach hougang.lame giler or what. jalan bedok la idk la tuas la.hais.
and he, moodswing always i kena. bcos of something than kiss me like that than go off.
sigh. idk what to say.
reached home, talked to mum abt the psycho.it seems like dad are already okkkk with him like that. idk. see how it goes.

now , just sitting here doing nothing.
working tomorrow.
thats all.
i know this is a bored entry,
so be it.
i got no mood actually.
:)

2009-12-13T12:19:00.000-08:00

timechecked: 4:15am
Just finish doing my blogskin again. I need to change everything you know. The tagboard and the song. I dont know why it cant be played previously. Very pening you know. And now ,its finally done. YEY! and its pink all over again.hehehehehe.
This few days, am just busy with work and boyfriend. I got no time for anything else. Tired from work. Baby fetch me almost everyday. and almost everyday we meet up. Even during our off day. *smiles*
yes as u can see anywhere, those ups & down. but i dont careeeeeeeeeee. we're still together even tho how ugly it may look. right baby? i love him like always .
anw, his not working now. and im working now. Mcm take turn gituh. now his turn shaking legs and sleep late la and wake up lateee haaaaa. :)

hmm. worked was okay just now. i prefer botique rather than boring department store. hurhur.
and im OFF tomorrow. im really tired. bcos i know i'll be working 4-6 days straight later on. so i need some rest pls.
worked supposed to end at 9pm. but i can go off at 8pm.But than baby come and fetched me around errr 845pm. Than after that get old changkee than off to far east plaza since he park his bike there.
to westcoast. PLAYGROUND! lol. have fun there than off to baby home.
reached home arnd 145am.
iloveyoubaby.
:)

anyway to my dear girlfriends.
im not avoiding you people. Im really very very busy now. Sorry yea. and of cause i do miss you all. will get back to u people when im free yea.
<33

happily webcam-ing with love.
boleh jadi giler horrrrr.
and iloveyou syg.
:)

hmmm. i guess that will be all.ive done with blog. waiting for baby.than off to bed and talk to baby before heeding to bed. (: love, tkmo gadoh-gadoh okay. iloveyou okay. :)muacks!

2009-12-12T06:41:00.000-08:00

timecheckEd: 1038pm
hmmm, my blog have been rusty for a few days ever since ive start working back at blush. Yesh,back to working life. Used to 5pm-11pm of working hrs during my data entry lifes and that mean my body ache like one kind when im back to retail line . Like seriously. You know, im veryyy the lembek kind. gahhhhh. And ever since than, i often touch the comp and phone. And i dont even own myself a cellphone now, so which mean... i didnt go mia but i was just too busy & tired with work.

i just feel that, i should concentrate more on work than anything else. To keep me occupied and sometimes , whenever im stress or having some major problem.. it do affect my work like much. But i really have to start pushing that aside and work. Step by step, i hope everything will go well. :)
well yeah, at least ive something to support myself.
(: (:

The other day, faliq mum's pass away.
it was a very shocking news and a very angry news when i get to know it. Why?bcos im the last out of 20 ppl to know about that.
Blame it on me, i dont have phone and they cant contact me. But well yeah, during 6am+ like that i can hear my housephone ring and im just super lazy to pick up.
It was a sudden death. and i hope his doing okay. Everyone was there. And it have been some time i didnt meet everyone. I do feel weird. And just as i saw them, i got all those thing like, " mane kau menghilang.mia ahh" and etc. & i just told them im busy with my life.

Things happen after that. Which i dont want to mention here.
and i know my name is being blacklisted somehow, nahhh its okay.

Hmmm. life have been pretty fine tho. As usual with all those ups & down which is still and always be there. Just dont wanna mention about it, i dont know whether im his ttm or gf right now.
He've been pretty sweet this few days , to pick me up everyday from work. But still, there's always all those arguement.

at times, i do realise that i am a boring someone. i got nothing with me.
it just hurts me so much.But still, i always try my best to look at the brightside of life.:)

working tomorrow.
just hope that i'll everything will be fine.
i just dont know what to update.hmmm so yeah, dat will be all.

pssstt. dont marah-marah can?
always marah-marah me.
:(
i love youuuu can.
yesh you.

: he got himself a webby now. yey!!!!!!!

2009-12-03T06:15:00.000-08:00

hello lovely; sorry for the late update. its thursday today and its 10:16pm. Ive just finish bathing and im just so fresh clean right now. And ive just bath this two kid , boiboi and adriana and i sound sooo like a mum you know :)
boiboi is my baby, have been taking care of him since his born and now his already primary 1. :) so , i took him last few days ago. and tomorrow he'll be leaving. :(

sounds like a mum.
feed them, bath them.entertain them.
i just love kids so much. :)

hmm.
im having moodswings today. and it sucks alot. People around do matter alot. They just irritate me so much today. arghhhh! irritating or what.
lovestory?
well, you know even tho whatever happen; i dont give up. Even if the feeling splits away, am always trying my best to get it back. Yes at time it hurts, but still.. im still here honey & wont give up.

im just a type of person who always look forwerd for a long term relationship. Ever since someone left me, that is when i started to get serious. I took everything that happen as a challenge to make me even stronger.& To handle and solve this relationship with thinking.wide thinking.& yes its never ever easy. And well, patience is well build in me right now. I believe that in a relationship, with fate and trust u can make it through. I dont believe in ," u can never know who is ur mr right.maybe in years to come , u can never know who u gona be with".. yesh, that might be true and that is what people around said so but for me.. why bother to stop and end the relationship that ure in now where else, u can make things better and improve everysingle thing by being professional if u have fate and trust in this relationship.
Than at the first place, why the hell do i start this relationship?Showing people around, everyone around that his mine? well, i believe that every relationship have its up and down. And as you can see, mine was just twomonth plus but theres just so many..i shall say challenge.. but i believe that, we wont stay and drag this daily life arguement to the upcoming days ahead. We'll pull through and have a happy life in future, the days too come.
Everything happen for a reason. And as for me, i dont care how silly or ugly i may look facing this relationship. I believe in myself, and i have fate in this relationship. Even if it wont and cant really work out.. lets end this in a nice way .. just like how you started it off.
People always deserve chances. Let it be 1 , 2 or 3.. People will realise their wrong and will come to their sense sooner or later. I dont hold grudges. Im softhearted in to forgive and forget people around me. Even tho they blew me off real hard, anger and burning at the first moment, i'll always forgive and might not forget them sooner or later. depands. :)
you see, im just nineteen.i know im still young but this is just what i feels . During my past few years, i was a bitch back them. But ive started to see and realise what is love when someone they love me so much finally decide to leave me. And that is when , i started to think and take my past history as a lesson to be learn for my next relationship. But sadly, it ends for a reason.and now, im with someone that i love much and that person is none other than..

my dearest muhammad rofian.
:)
im proudly to have this relationship even tho how bad it was before.
how much it make us suffered.
like everyday life, everyday arguement.

baby tell me , if u dont love me.
tell me if you think we can or cantmake it through.
tell me that u want us to go far and never let go.
& uphold the promises.
dont fake things, or stay bcos of sympathy.
that gona really hurt me so much.

iloveyou.

2009-11-30T05:10:00.000-08:00

i slept at 12am ytd till 7pm today.
that is sooooo ugly attitude right. never been that way before.
maybe bcos lately i have sleepless night.
but!
i woke up around 1plus, eat than was lazing around than dose off again.
my hp was flat the whole day! i shud charge it who knows work called me.
sigh.

now time checked: 9:23pm
im bored. Might be going back to bed after this.

anyway, i dont play the word revenge-ing.
what for? its just hurtful .
somebody switch off his phone again.
and he thought i was revenge-ing.
i dont wana hear any explanation.

maybe his out having fun.
its okay.

anw i bought ferrero rocher!
chocolate chocalate, yummy yum.
anyway, i think im going back to granny place for some day.
i need to ease my mind.

2009-11-29T02:30:00.000-08:00

we can neve know what gona happen later.
what gona happen next year.
next month,
or even tomorrow.

treasure each & everymoment with love & care.
before things are gone, its gona be too late.

the feelings that i have now in me is different. I dont know why it seems like the enjoyment of doing things i love wasen there already. Each day , i find myself stupid. I find myself more silly and dumb. Even people around me says that. I feel as if i need a knock my my head. But look, its really terrible. WHATS going on with me? i myself dont know whats going on and i really really dont know. I find that my brain is like stuck . Like seriously.
Maybe because i was just too stress and ive been torturing my life that much. Its pretty ugly , really. sighhhhh..
i think i need a good laugh, and a very good day .i need an air to breathe.

sunday.boring sunday.
sigh.

2009-11-27T20:00:00.000-08:00

i never ever ever have that yesterday feelings before.
i teared on bed, it feels as if someone that i love so much just pass away .
feel the hurt?
i cant stop crying. i cant . & i close my eyes,
breathe in the air and try to think positively.
i cant even breathe. The pain took over me.
i feel as if im being fooled.
the fooled that is just so deeply hurt.

dear god,
show me the correct way.
i can sense what is going on.

I may not have the looks. I may be a bitch. I may be worse than a bitch. I may not be rich. I may be the useless girlfriend, useless friend. I may not appreciate what i have infront of me , the people around me. i may be stupid. I may not have brains.. but i have feelings like every human have. i dont care about whatever romours people have been spreading about me, but i know the only person who know me well is just me and those friends who have been knowing me for years. And this kind of friends, can be count by fingers. true friend?true love? never easy to find and have.

time checked: 12:10pm
mum and dad off to melawat.Granny brother pass away ytd.
Sigh.... salam takziah from me.
i feel for nenek. last 27days was my uncle, her first son.
and yesterday was her brother.
sigh.
now, i wanna bath and go down with sister to makan since dad left us some money. its raining heavily. and im planless on saturday . i need ciggy badly. That cure me very much.

2009-11-26T08:41:00.000-08:00

bring me far far away from here someone please.
all i need is that, living far far away from all this and all i want is happiness.
i hate this life.
i hate it. i hate it. i hate it. i hate it so much.

i didnt expect that was the last luffing video we have.
i didnt expect that was the last peggyback u got from me.

i wanna fo far away from all this thing.
i dont need another men.
but i just wanna go far away from all this.
please.

2009-11-25T00:04:00.000-08:00

it been two month 5 days im with you,
it's been 6month we're in ttm state before we're officially together.
and it have been 4years plus we've known each other.

ive never get sick of looking at you everyday.
never get sick of hearing ur voice at every minit, every sec.
but it just hurts me so much to know that im sucha useless girlfriend..
im such a lousy girlfriend.
its pain in the arse.
really.
it sadden me more, when ugly words hit on me so hard.
but still, i keep it to my heart as if i dont feel a pinch.

but deep down inside, i feel the pain.

i only asked one thing from you,
to thrash away all those negative thinking u had for me.
bcos i believe that is the reason cause of every slightest misunderstanding, non-stop arguement.

whats more can i asked, when its only you i love?
when its only you are the only one that i kept in heart.
why should i bother about all those guys around me or us.
where this little young lady that u claim typing this out is ur one & only girlfriend?

i realize that ive once make a mistake.A mistake that you might not forgive and forget cause that is the time when i betray e trust that u have gaven me. & it left a scar across your heart. But that dosen mean, i dont feel a thing. That dosen mean i dont deserve a second chance and deserve all this right now. It hurts me so much, when i told you i wanna amend all those mistake, but u keepon thinking the negative side of me since it had once crash ur heart and broke ure heart into pieces. & it have been bragging and dragging to our every days of lifes.
When there's nothing, we made things to become something and a fighting issue at the end of the day.

I never asked much from you baby.
and thats e only thing ive asked for now.
does relationship is about revenging in the hardest way to make another party realize his/her mistake?
you people might say, yesh.
but that wasen in my dictionary cause im always willing to forgive & forget.
and thats the reason why alot of people claim that at times,im just being too nice.

why cant we look at the brightside of life?
happy-happy time.
trust.
and have confident with each other.
realize from the mistake that we've made and amend them and dont repeat it again.

look at those couple around you people,
hugging , kissing, holding hand, laughing...
and a glance at you at the street,
does it bother to them then?

i dont bother about the people around me. cause i have you in my arms b. ,I love you s o much, very strong and yesh very deep baby. & ive never ever gave up in us.Will this relationship work out ?

do you asked urself,
till when we gona stay this way?
the slightest things seem to be the biggest thing?
and when theres nothing, you make it as something.

i know muhammad rofian is a very nice men.
he is very pampered.
he dont like to be irritated.

what about others.?

u onced promise me that u'll stay and wont leave,
but does the promises remain?

ure the sweetest gift i ever had baby.
nomatter how many guys ive been through.
ure special in some ways.

im really sick of breaking up, new r's, breaking up, new r's..
and that wasen in me.
i love you.

2009-11-23T23:42:00.000-08:00

when things are going up up up,
it will goes back down down down.
When things are going up up up,
im feeling high on love,really. just like how high u feel when ure drunk.
the feeling was just so great. i feel as if im the happiest girl on earth.
but when things goes down down down,
im feeling as if there is no other day for me.
i feel so lost,just totally speechless.

this keepon happening.
when will it stop?

2009-11-22T21:00:00.000-08:00

timechecked:1:19pm(monday)
Since im pretty free right now before starting to do the house chores, just finish bathing,eating,settling baby anne and clean abit of the kitchen,here i am blogging. Baby is having his lunch break now . hmmm hmm hmmmmm.

yesterday,sunday.
Baby wanted to meet me at 8pm. But end up he turn up at 830pm. and fara dearest was nearby and drop by my place. So since she's around, she followed me to meet baby and slacked till 1130pm . Talk,talk,chill,chill and the cat was there again. HAIYAAA... i hate cats very much. but baby love cats very much. so this can be a fighting issue when the cat is nearby us okay. ghee..

they went off, and i miss baby so muchhh. :(

saturday.

it was our 2monthsary. And things went pretty okay after all those few days silly arguement. & i have to say, things are back on track right now.and i hope it remain this way♥♥♥♥♥♥
baby boyfriend was at toapayoh for job intv with his friend. I kinda dont believe and nag naggg la and asked him to take picture even. ahahaha.silly right. But he did you know, and i even hear his guyfriend voice backgrnd, so its okayy :)

we went off arnd 4plus 5plus . Get our snacks and went somewhere for chilling session. Just you and i ..
a great goodnight,iloveyoubaby. You know what,the song his mistake-usher can make me cry you know. && that is our song lorr. :)

Spend time togather, than got scolding from bf bcos i keepon bumping into his bike when i sit down.hahahahhahaahha. silly but really. than baby say thats my last day ride on e bike with him! :( hmmmmm, slacked till11plus.. Enjoy being with him even tho get all those scolding and etc, marked this: i never hate you k syg :) parted off arnd 11plus 12.. thats the end of the day. :)
Pictures.

oh yeah, i have to say baby look cute that dayyyy. && i think he needs a haircut.
me too i guess?
hmmmm..

went home, spend time with my one & only sister.
than talked to baby and off to lala land :)

Friday.
called baby alot of time but he didnt picked up. Maybe bcos i just misscall him earlier when i woke up. Wanted to meet him at harbourfront but since no ans, mum called and asked us to meet mummy at farrer park.Since sister wanna eat her nasi briyani while i wanted to eat THOSAI. wuhuuuu.so yeah, meet mum arnd 6pm.
Jalan-jalan mustafa.
Only if i got my cash, i need perfume badly and my makeup set.
since im running out of it already.
I feel empty wo perfume you know, :( argh. really.

and as you know,it have been 1 mth already ive quit job and rot at home.and baby n fara have been nagging and asked me to work.lagi-lagi si fara. My mum also. hmmmmmm..

anw,back on it.
after that, went to chinatown jalan-jalan.
Now i can know where to buy cheap and nice clothes, right munnie?
at times,we've to go on e budget stuff right.....

and i caught this top that ive been finding at chinatown.
instead of topshop/zara they sell it at 40-60bucks?
there u cna get it arnd 20-35?
really.

and i really need to work and put in much effort now.
got money than can talk right.
reached home arnd 11.
than thats e end of friday.

so yeah, finally ive done publishing this entry.
time checked: 1:38pm.
i wanna call baby and check on him now.
suddenly getting sleepy already.

i love baby more and more now can?
♥♥♥♥
iloveyou cinta.

2009-11-20T20:34:00.000-08:00

i just hope,everything will be okay.
yes?no?
i almost teared down when i told him i miss him just now.
i really really really miss him so much.
and it really break my heart tho.
it have been 6days than, since ive last met him
never been this way before.

2009-11-19T20:03:00.000-08:00

i can feel that we're getting back shaky.
afterall things are going better, and the reason is me.
i can feel that you gona say this mightgona be the end of us,
but i always hope it wont be true.

i broke down into tears.
i keepon crying and cant even just stop crying.
Looking at everywhere,
i feel so sad.
i feel so low.
looking at how life is right now, looking at how each & every situation is right now.
im just out of control.

i keep it strong, trying mybest to look at the brightside of life; i dont wana end up doing stupid things like the way i was before. hurt. Both the inside and outside. feel it?
You might not realise what ive been through and face through, what i felt towerds our relationship.Just like viceversa,i wont know too. Retaliate, rude , disrespect , say it all. But do you know the another side of all this.
I know im a useless girlfriend.
neither am i a goodgirlfriend.
Like uve said it all.

i just smile, pretending i didnt hear a thing at all.
but deep inside,it cut me deep down inside knowing that i am NOT a goodgirlfriend.

when u say maybe we shoulden be anymore, i didnt win ur heart.
i teared.
I keep myself close to my heart, close my eyes and feel it.
tears roll down from my eyes,
feeling the pain of what gona happen when ur gone for good.
telling myself, whatve we've asked before "will we last".marriage.Im gona miss all those things we've done togather, im gona miss going bukitbatok and miss reading all the text u always send me. gona miss those happy times.Gona miss you twisting my ears. Gona miss you scolding me. Gona miss looking at ur face when ure angry,telling me i dont know how to pujok you.Gona miss sleeping with you, having a great good night with you with the songs of trance&house..love it so much and i know i gona miss it.Gona miss the smell of ur body.Gona miss going shopping with you, dancing&club with you. Where i feel love on the dancefloor.
Gona miss your bike...
the sound of ur bike that i can hear from far..
obviously gona miss u calling me ma, and the very old us.

where have we gone wrong?
it cuden be just me, or cuden be just you.
everything needs two hand to clap.
Should we deserve this?

im not giving up, but im just totally speechless.
whats happening now?

i ♥ you baby.
i really really do .
but am i really not a goodgirlfriend?
i know i wasen your dreamgirl,
a girl that cant give you happiness.right baby?
please tell me, dis wasen the end.
:(

remember what happen on the 19of october, 2 days to 21th october?
remember what day is tomorrow?

im speechless for now.
i cant even think.
dear god.
:(
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

2009-11-19T01:19:00.000-08:00

Its thursday today.two days to come mark our 2monthsary. Yeah,just 2monthsary,we've been through like so much. Despite all those ups & down, we're still togather even how many people dislike our relationship. I have trust in this relationship. Even tho i may not be a goodgirlfriend to him, neither am i a goodgirlfriend. I never fail to try. At times, my past mistake will be the issue that gona hunt me down that much. My past mistake that he'll never ever forget till the end of life. And that dosen mean,im giving up on him and this relationship. At times, i feel hurt...knowing that the mistake that ive made have been push forwerd for our upcoming day life. I feel hurt where things i didnt do, he thinks i do it. Badly assume that i do. Until at the end of the day,i turn speechless cause all the points that he shoot out, make be go down. It kills me alot, but that dosen mean ive give up. Never ever thought of that too.

Well, u cant expect a person to really trust you back after the trust have been given is being crash right. Maybe i shall just accept all this things. and i have to say, it do really hurts me so much tho.

Anyway fyi, no matter how hard you people wana try break us apart.. bring it on.You people can continue saying things , this and that and never stop.i dont wanna entertain.Deep inside, i follow what my heart and mind tells me. No matter how ugly things gona turn out to be, i'll still keep things to myself.

at times i feel confused about this feeling that i had for him. At times i really feel so lost , feeling brokenhearted getting accusing about this and dat..But still, he's the man on top of me that i love so much, stronger and deeper despite all those hurtful feelings. He's the men that i wana be with now,till whenever . Never ever give up on us and this relationship as long as i can still breathe and have patience in me.

anyway, ytd i make baby very very angry. I blarber shit that hurt him so much. I just feel that im so foolish to say all that following my nafsu. urghhhh.and ends up, we quarrel and have silly arguement. Why?because of me.! im sorry sayang.i didnt mean to make u feel so hurt and angry. i just dont want you to go away from me.. im afraid.. i dont want people around, bitches around to affect this relationship. Afterall, things are going better right.. :(
timechecked: 5:33pm, it have been hours baby phone is off.
he thinks that im calling other guys and etc where-else i dont . :( dad have been using the housephone, and i actually ran downstairs to the payphone and call him okay since he've been smsing nonsense things about guys. sighhhhhh...

what i can say,
i dont need another man, accept for my babylove right now.which is my dearest rofian.

ps: im sorry.iloveyou.iloveyou.iloveyou.imissyou.imissyou.i miss the smell of your body.everything about ....
y
o
u.
:(

2009-11-17T08:28:00.000-08:00

im off to bed now. baby is not answering my calls.
and i hope everything will be okay.

i
miss
you.

2009-11-17T03:33:00.000-08:00

mood: ashie is very very very sad and disappointed now. What you gotta say. Another explanation. Must you entertain all those ladies or should i say bitches. Im tired to feel this way. Please. Tgh geram giler plus sedih giler ni. how? :(

2009-11-16T22:27:00.000-08:00

Time checked: 2:32pm
its tuesday today, and i just woke at around nearly 2pm! i was shocked and checked my hp and call dearest. Didnt receive any msg from him, & just as i called him.. he wanna go sleep already. I know his very tired bcos he just got back from work and ytd night/morn arnd 930pm-3plusam he's at work.sighhhh.. you know i feel pity for baby to work at late hours. and i can say, dearest is a veryhardworking man. :)look at the picture above there,see his getting darker and c-u-t-e-r. right?no?hehehehe.iloveyou pa *wink*

sunday entry.
i was supposed to go to the bollywood party.But since most of them didnt go, i didnt go too like last minit plan. And instead of rotting at home, i decided to go to babyplace to meet him and fetch him than from his place ride on to my place. You know, it gona took less than an hr or a hr too reach his place. A long ride that i love in the bus and mrt, cause that is when i can ease my mind thinking of this and that.:)

i went out the house nearly 8pm. reach bukit batok around nearly 9pm. baby have been texting me asking me wher i am and etc. Reach his bus stop only at 915/920pm. and u know when i was at bkit batok intercharge, the ppl there were all kiasu. naek bus mcm naek ape.mcm bus lari pulak.gahhhh!

FInally get to see him just as i step off the bus! imisshim laaaaaa :) Than went to his void-deck, chill for awhile ... pictures..pictures..video.. laughter.. dearest look cute wit short pants tho. lalalalalalala..
than off to hougang my place and chill before baby went off ard 2plus.

at times, we can be really really crazy. at times we can be really really lovey.at times we can really really get shaky. But afterall, since 210909, he's mine yet till now.Despite of all those shaky things, we're still togather in this relationship. I never give up, and i hope we can get better and this relationship will be the last out of all and we'll last. Despite all those arguements,hard arguements, friends and family.. i hope everything will be okayyy even if it takes year.

When he was with me at that point of time, when i kissed him. I feel the love like again. The strong love that is coming back to me.i hugged him so tight, kiss him.i feel the love that i had for him is there, and on the second tot i wonder, "does he lov me?does he really-really lov and serious with me".. its not that i dont wanna give it all out, im just afraid that i'll be played like before. At the end of the day, i kena. pain you see. but now, i can feel that this relationship is going better and i hope it stays dat way. iloveyou muhd. i love you fian.iloveyou baby. can i love you more and more? :)

it sadden me so much to get parted with dearest. But still, he have to go home. :(

here are all the pictures.

- D O N E -
iloveyou pa.
iloveyou and will never give up.
:)
here are the silly few second video.

hahahaa!
=)
anyway two last updates.before i end this thing.
friends: to make it simple,i know its my fault and im sorry for everythg.Sometimes u cant expect what you want to happen or go it to ur ways. i know friends have always been there for my past problems. Be it relationship,family or friends . I had never ever thrash my friends away. which they think,im putting them aside. i have my own life tho. i can just go to each at everytime you see. People mistaken i took they kindness for granted. and etc like that;im not. i dont wanna say much. but let it be this way, ive enuf of all this thing coming back to me. i dont wanna spoke anything to anyone.be it this and that and let it be ur life and my own lifes.
marked this : i never own any enemy in life. even tho i fucking hate that person, a sorry can just sooth my heart.take it for an example, if IMAH were to say sorry to me one day,
do you think i'll forgive her? For sure i will.even tho i say,"aku tkkan maafkan dier".
i love every of my friends for sure.
once again im sorry,
let it be ur life and my life.

yst, i accp cousin to find her berkat kawin.
WAHHH BESTNYERRR TGK ORG KAWIN.
feeling-feeling lor.
fadila nikah- 18nov
nura jamil engage-22 nov.
31dec- fadila and abg rudy marriage i think
next will be syazwani marriage.
wahhhhhh.
:)
got to go now and clean up the house!
=)
baby iloveyouu okay.
tkmo marah2 gadoh2 je k.
hehehe!

2009-11-14T22:30:00.000-08:00

mum have been saying that im getting fair-rer while sister is getting darker.
which i really think, its true also.
lalalalalalal.
anyways back to update.
despite all those silly arguement and what soever things ytd, tho jogging or picnic or what soever was cancel, i get to meet dearest over his crib ytd.it was cleaning session over his room and well,
i got it all clean up . happy dearest? :)
after spending some time with him, over the lappy and stuff..heed down to east coast park to meet sister and her friends.

-us-
;)
went off around 7plus, reached around 8pm. Then settle down and just have some time with him . Nasi goreng and all time cheesy twisties.yummmy!! some quality time togather.
than around 9plus went off, dearest send me home.

it was a short time togather.
but i do enjoy every minit with him.
even tho all those silly arguements, scream and cries.
love still going on and on.
for that,
iloveyou, lov.
:)

and here and some overdue pictures.

my strawberrychoc yumyum,
hehehehehehe.
iloveyou!
:)

anw, it have been long since ive last get so so so pissed over irritating girls.
i get all screw up and what kind of girl can say,
" if a girlfriend knows her bf password on fb or msn are just shitty girls"
and
"oh tell ur bf, i can date him"
fucktup girl, like totally.
its nt bcos of trust aje la okay. and i guess a girl like you right,
even if another girl suck ur bf dick, it will still be alright to you.
and if u know that ur bf have been playing behind ur back also, it will be alright to you why?
cause ure doing the same old thing too.
so why bother right, bitch?

time checked: 300pm
im going of to nurfarhan 18th birthday celebration with punjabi theme.did i get the spelling right?
heh. but i dont think im wearing it bcos will be meeting love later like hopefully.

imissyou.
and i really miss you calling me ,maa.
like seriously.
:)

2009-11-13T04:24:00.000-08:00

Things happen for a reason. And for those things that had happen make people around hate me. Hate me even more, even deeper. Even you, right?
Life have been complicating. Maybe its me who make lifes turns out to be so. Fickle-minded.Name it.Shoot it.
Few minit ago, i was flashing back at how life have been through out my 19 years of life.
and A month to go, it gona be a new year and im turning 20 years old next year.
I almost burst into tears , flashing back at every single thing.
Life change so much.
very much.

afterall, im all change now.

dearyou,imissyou.